Whats In A Life

No matter how much I poo-poo my life, the truth is I had a life more exciting early on more so then most kids. For years and years I was traveling all over the place to different flea markets, yard sales, antique stores, auctions. I was introduced to multitude of interests very early on. So I was always wandering around strange places filled with the debris of strange people’s lives. It was scary but also fascinating and tortuous. By letting the average kid full of boundless greed and limited financial backing into hundred year old collections of toys for all ages, over and over again was just…. evil. Haha. Because there was always more then you could ever want but you could only nibble at the sides of satisfaction. I suppose it might have taught me selective choice and money managing but it didn’t. It turned me into a voracious compulsive spender. I was exposed to a bounty of earthly delights of all kinds which caused my interests explode in every direction. That part wasn’t bad though. Yet, with the increase in regular funding the more I bought. In itself it is good to be worldly because it teaches you about the similarities of differences and different cultures even within your own culture; the earlier the better. But entering worldliness from that avenue has a terrible way of suturing you to materialism and that’s bad. One should not define themselves by what they have but use what they have to expand their ability to relate to other people. Well, something along those lines. So, having visited literally thousands of unfamiliar places and interacting with countless eccentric personalities who were selling strange and wonderful things (sometimes terrible things) from all around the world. I can’t quite say were my fear of people, confrontation and urban business came from. It was not uncommon for me to walk by the same store over and over again; always wanting to go inside but never going. Walking by it day after day imagining what was behind those dark, glass doors. If I was lucky and had a friend who would go with me then I could over come the fear of that place. Most of the time, it was contrast to what my initial belief. I always assume it was a slaughterhouse just waiting for me when in fact it was a carnival or even something quite mundane. That fear is gone now for the most part. These days I just have a great aversion of government institutions.